CRICKET : Gol guttam lakad battam de danadan pratiyogita
CRICKET TEST MATCH : Pakad dandu, maar mandu, de danaadan pratiyogita
TABLE TENNIS : Lakdi ke phalak shetra pe le takaatak de takaatak
LAWN TENNIS : Harit Ghaas par le tada tad, de tada tad
LIGHT BULB : Vidyut Prakashak Kanch golak
TIE : Kanth Langoti....(best one)
MATCH BOX : Ragdampatti Agni Utpaadan Peti
TRAFFIC SIGNAL : Aavat Jaavat Suchak Jhandaa
TEA : Dugdh Jal Mishrit Sharkara Yukt Parvatiya(pahaadi) Booti
TRAIN : Sahasra Chakra Louh Path Gaamini
ALL ROUTE PASS : Yatr Tatr Sarvatr Gaman Aagya Patr
RAILWAY SIGNAL : Loh Path Gamini Suchak Yantra
RAILWAY SIGNAL : Agni Rath Aava Gaman Soochak Pattika
RAILWAY SIGNAL : Louh path gaamini aawagaman suchak yantra
RAILWAY STATION : Bhabhka Adda
BUTTON : Ast Vyast Vastra Niyantrak
MOSQUITO : Gunjanhaari Manav Rakt Pipasu Jeev
Friday, June 29, 2007
DOOR BELL!
One night a guy dropped his girlfriend at her home.
As they were about to wish each other goodnight at the
front door,
the guy started feeling a little in the mood. With an
air of
confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall
and smiling, he
said to her "Honey, would you give me a kiss?"
Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will
see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He
asked grinning at her.
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
"Oh come on!
There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!".
"No way, it's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?".
"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!".
"Oh yes you can. Please?"
"No, no. I just can't" "I'm begging you ... "
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on, and
the girl's elder sister showed up in her pajamas, hair
dishevelled, and in a sleepy voice she said,
"Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss, or
I can do it. Or if need be, mom says she can come down
herself and do it, but for God's sake and all of
ours....
TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HAND OFF THE DOOR BELL!!"
As they were about to wish each other goodnight at the
front door,
the guy started feeling a little in the mood. With an
air of
confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall
and smiling, he
said to her "Honey, would you give me a kiss?"
Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will
see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He
asked grinning at her.
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
"Oh come on!
There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!".
"No way, it's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?".
"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!".
"Oh yes you can. Please?"
"No, no. I just can't" "I'm begging you ... "
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on, and
the girl's elder sister showed up in her pajamas, hair
dishevelled, and in a sleepy voice she said,
"Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss, or
I can do it. Or if need be, mom says she can come down
herself and do it, but for God's sake and all of
ours....
TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HAND OFF THE DOOR BELL!!"
Dear Dad,
Father passing by his teenage daughter s bedroom was astonished to see thebed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:-
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I m writing you, but I m leaving home.I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I ve been finding real passion with Randy and he
is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you ll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it s not only the passion Dad, I m pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway,42 isn tso old these days is it?),and has no money, really these things shouldn t stand in the way of our relationship,don t you agree? Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It s true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he ll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that s now one of my dreams too. Randy taught me that marijuana doesn t really hurt anyone and he ll be growing it for us and we ll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!
Don t worry Dad, I m 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I m sure we ll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your loving daughter,
At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO". Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:
PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I m over at the neighbour s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card.
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I m writing you, but I m leaving home.I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I ve been finding real passion with Randy and he
is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you ll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it s not only the passion Dad, I m pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway,42 isn tso old these days is it?),and has no money, really these things shouldn t stand in the way of our relationship,don t you agree? Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It s true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he ll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that s now one of my dreams too. Randy taught me that marijuana doesn t really hurt anyone and he ll be growing it for us and we ll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!
Don t worry Dad, I m 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I m sure we ll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your loving daughter,
At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO". Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:
PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I m over at the neighbour s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card.
Did you know ???
Did you know that when you envy someone, it's because you really like that person?
Did you know that those who appear to be very strong in heart, are real weak and most susceptible?
Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need some one to protect them?
Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are :
I love you, Sorry and help me
The people who say these are actually in need of them or really feel them, and are the ones you really need to treasure, because they have said them.
Did you know that people who occupy themselves by keeping others company or helping others are the ones that actually need your company and help?
Did you know that those who dress in red are more confident in themselves?
Did you know that those who dress in yellow are those that enjoy their beauty?
Did you know that those who dress in black, are those who want to be unnoticed and need your help and understanding?
Did you know that when you help someone, the help is returned in two folds?
Did you know that those who appear to be very strong in heart, are real weak and most susceptible?
Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need some one to protect them?
Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are :
I love you, Sorry and help me
The people who say these are actually in need of them or really feel them, and are the ones you really need to treasure, because they have said them.
Did you know that people who occupy themselves by keeping others company or helping others are the ones that actually need your company and help?
Did you know that those who dress in red are more confident in themselves?
Did you know that those who dress in yellow are those that enjoy their beauty?
Did you know that those who dress in black, are those who want to be unnoticed and need your help and understanding?
Did you know that when you help someone, the help is returned in two folds?
Monday, June 25, 2007
Help this poor girl – pls.....
You know very well that I normally don't Post these type of Stuff
but this girl seems to have been struck by an awful tragedy,
which has landed her in this pitiable state. One look at her
picture (pasted below) will convince you of her condition.
Anyone willing to support her and provide some help
will be doing a great service. Please send your cheques
in my name and I will pass on the amount to her. Thank you...
MAY GOD BLESS YOU
but this girl seems to have been struck by an awful tragedy,
which has landed her in this pitiable state. One look at her
picture (pasted below) will convince you of her condition.
Anyone willing to support her and provide some help
will be doing a great service. Please send your cheques
in my name and I will pass on the amount to her. Thank you...
MAY GOD BLESS YOU
Spelling to get into Heaven....
A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint
Peter to
greet her, she peeked through the gates.
She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and
all
the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and
began calling greetings to her "Hello - How are you! We've been waiting for
you!
Good to see you."
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful
place! How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.
"Which word?" the woman asked.
"Love."
The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.
About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the
Gates of Heaven for him that day.
While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm
surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"
"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I
married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill.
And
then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived
in
and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world.
We
were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my
head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.
"Which word?" her husband asked.
"Czechoslovakia."
Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry... There will be Hell to pay
later!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Peter to
greet her, she peeked through the gates.
She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and
all
the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and
began calling greetings to her "Hello - How are you! We've been waiting for
you!
Good to see you."
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful
place! How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.
"Which word?" the woman asked.
"Love."
The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.
About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the
Gates of Heaven for him that day.
While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm
surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"
"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I
married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill.
And
then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived
in
and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world.
We
were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my
head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.
"Which word?" her husband asked.
"Czechoslovakia."
Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry... There will be Hell to pay
later!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
The India brand - feel proud to be an Indian...
- The number of companies listed on the Bombay Stock Exchange, at more than 6,000, is second only to NYSE.
- Four out of 10 Silicon Valley startups are run by Indians.
- With 800 movies per year , India ’s film industry overshadows Hollywood .
- The organized lottery market in India is US$7bn (2% of GDP)
- India consumes a fifth of the world’s gold output.
- Indians account for 45% of H1-B visas issued by the US every year
- Growing at 6%, in 25 years Indian GDP(on a PPP basis) will be at the same level the US is at today
- Six Indian ladies have won Miss Universe/Miss World titles over the past 10 years.
- Bank deposits in India roughly equal 50% of its GDP C again, among the highest in the world.
- Indian Railways is the largest railway network in the world under single management
- India has the third largest army in the world, nearly 1.5 million strong.
- India is the largest producer and consumer of tea in the world, accounting for more than 30% of global production and 25% of consumption.
- India is the world’s premier center for diamond cutting and polishing. Nine out of every 10 stones sold in the world pass through India .
- India has the highest number of annual bulk drugs filings (77) with USFDA.
- India is home to the largest number of pharmaceutical plants (61) approved by USFDA outside the US .
- India’s Hero Honda is the world’s largest motorcycle manufacturer, with 2002 production of 1.7m units.
- Other than US and Japan , India is the only country to have built a super computer indigenously.
- Indian Railways is the largest employer in the world, with a staff of 1.6 million people.
- India is the second largest cement producing country in the world, producing more than 110 m tones.
- Of the fortune 500 companies, 220 outsource their software-related work to India .
- There are 8,500 Indian restaurants in the U.K.15% of the country’s total dining-out establishments.
- India is the largest democracy in the world, with nearly 400m voting in the last national elections.
- India has the second-largest pool of scientists and engineers in the world.
- India has the third largest investor base in the world
- According to the Gemological Institute of America, up until 1896, India was the only source of diamonds.
- The Kumbh Mela festival, held every 21 years in the city of Allahabad , attracts 25 million people CE more than the population of 185 of the 227 countries in the world.
- The Indian city of Varanasi , also known as Benares , is the oldest continuously inhabited city in the world today.
- There are 3.22 million Indians in the US .
- Indians are the richest immigrant class in the US , with nearly 200,000 millionaries.
- India is ranked the sixth country in the world in terms of satellite launches.
- There are over 70,000 bank branches in India – among the highest in the world.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Some facts of phone company "NOKIA"....
1) The ringtone "Nokia tune" is actually based on a 19th century guitar work named "Gran Vals" by Spanish musician Francisco Tárrega. The Nokia Tune was originally named "Grande Valse" on Nokia phones but was changed to "Nokia Tune" around 1998 when it became so well known that people referred to it as the "Nokia Tune."
2) The world's first commercial GSM call was made in 1991 in Helsinki over a Nokia-supplied network, by Prime Minister of Finland Harri Holkeri, using a Nokia phone.
3) Nokia is currently the world's largest digital camera manufacturer, as the sales of its camera-equipped mobile phones have exceeded those of any conventional camera manufacturer.
4) The "Special" tone available to users of Nokia phones when receiving SMS (text messages) is actually Morse code for "SMS". Similarly, the "Ascending" SMS tone is Morse code for "Connecting People," Nokia's slogan. The "Standard" SMS tone is Morse code for "M" (Message).
5) The Nokia corporate font (typeface) is the AgfaMonotype Nokia Sans font, originally designed by Eric Spiekermann. Its mobile phone User's Guides Nokia mostly used the Agfa Rotis Sans font.
6) In Asia, the digit 4 never appears in any Nokia handset model number, because 4 is considered unlucky in many parts of Southeast/East Asia.
7) Nokia was listed as the 20th most admirable company worldwide in Fortune's list of 2006 (1st in network communications, 4th non-US company).
8. Unlike other modern day handsets, Nokia phones do not automatically start the call timer when the call is connected, but start it when the call is initiated. (Except for Series 60 based handsets like the Nokia 6600)
9) Nokia is sometimes called aikon (Nokia backwards) by non-Nokia mobile phone users and by mobile software developers, because "aikon" is used in various SDK software packages, including Nokia's own Symbian S60 SDK.
10) The name of the town of Nokia originated from the river which flowed through the town. The river itself, Nokianvirta, was named after the old Finnish word originally meaning sable, later pine marten. A species of this small, black-furred predatory animal was once found in the region, but it is now extinct.
2) The world's first commercial GSM call was made in 1991 in Helsinki over a Nokia-supplied network, by Prime Minister of Finland Harri Holkeri, using a Nokia phone.
3) Nokia is currently the world's largest digital camera manufacturer, as the sales of its camera-equipped mobile phones have exceeded those of any conventional camera manufacturer.
4) The "Special" tone available to users of Nokia phones when receiving SMS (text messages) is actually Morse code for "SMS". Similarly, the "Ascending" SMS tone is Morse code for "Connecting People," Nokia's slogan. The "Standard" SMS tone is Morse code for "M" (Message).
5) The Nokia corporate font (typeface) is the AgfaMonotype Nokia Sans font, originally designed by Eric Spiekermann. Its mobile phone User's Guides Nokia mostly used the Agfa Rotis Sans font.
6) In Asia, the digit 4 never appears in any Nokia handset model number, because 4 is considered unlucky in many parts of Southeast/East Asia.
7) Nokia was listed as the 20th most admirable company worldwide in Fortune's list of 2006 (1st in network communications, 4th non-US company).
8. Unlike other modern day handsets, Nokia phones do not automatically start the call timer when the call is connected, but start it when the call is initiated. (Except for Series 60 based handsets like the Nokia 6600)
9) Nokia is sometimes called aikon (Nokia backwards) by non-Nokia mobile phone users and by mobile software developers, because "aikon" is used in various SDK software packages, including Nokia's own Symbian S60 SDK.
10) The name of the town of Nokia originated from the river which flowed through the town. The river itself, Nokianvirta, was named after the old Finnish word originally meaning sable, later pine marten. A species of this small, black-furred predatory animal was once found in the region, but it is now extinct.
WIFE 1.0
Problems when using WIFE 1.0
To: Tech Support
Dear Sir,
Last year I upgraded my system from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began creating problems within the system processing and that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Poker Night 2.3, Girlfriend 3.2 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the entire system whenever selected :(
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while running my other favorite applications. Whichever module or software I enter, only Wife 1.0 seems to run and nothing else.
I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall from Wife 1.0 to Girlfriend 7.0 does not work on this program. Can you help me, please!!!
Reply
This is a very common problem men users of the Wife 1.0 software complain about but it is mostly due to a primary misconception of the software.
Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0.
Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed!!
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Worries Invited For Ever (Wife 1.0)".
I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding general partnership faults (GPFs).
You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action to solve this major IT problem of yours will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.
In any case avoid excessive use of the Esc key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance.Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend you to install the latest gift software like Flowers 2.1, Necklaces 3.2, and Chocolates 5.0.
Note: Do not under any circumstances, install Secretary With Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application; in fact it is a deadly virus for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
To: Tech Support
Dear Sir,
Last year I upgraded my system from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began creating problems within the system processing and that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Poker Night 2.3, Girlfriend 3.2 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the entire system whenever selected :(
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while running my other favorite applications. Whichever module or software I enter, only Wife 1.0 seems to run and nothing else.
I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall from Wife 1.0 to Girlfriend 7.0 does not work on this program. Can you help me, please!!!
Reply
This is a very common problem men users of the Wife 1.0 software complain about but it is mostly due to a primary misconception of the software.
Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0.
Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed!!
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Worries Invited For Ever (Wife 1.0)".
I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding general partnership faults (GPFs).
You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action to solve this major IT problem of yours will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.
In any case avoid excessive use of the Esc key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance.Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend you to install the latest gift software like Flowers 2.1, Necklaces 3.2, and Chocolates 5.0.
Note: Do not under any circumstances, install Secretary With Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application; in fact it is a deadly virus for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
What Women Want..........
What Women Want in a Man, Original List (age 22)
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover
======================================
What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week
======================================
What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends
======================================
What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends
======================================
What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend
======================================
What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet.
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover
======================================
What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week
======================================
What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends
======================================
What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends
======================================
What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend
======================================
What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Munna Bhai Ka Resume.......
Munna Bhai
Objective:
To obtain a challenging position as a Crime Implementation Analyst (CIA)
Education:
* B.S. (Crime Technology) Tihar Jail, India, August 1994
* M.S. (Criminal Sciences) Virginia Prison for International Smugglers and the Unlawful Activists(VPISUA), August 1996.
Thesis:
"On escaping from high security prisons like Alcatraz with minimal efforts"
Coursework:
Cop Psychology, Plastic Explosives Technology, Bomb Controls and Timer Device Theory, International Smuggling and Drug Trafficking, Object Oriented Crime Design
Work Experience:
* Research Assistant, LTTE Labs, Jaffna, Aug 1990-Aug 1991
* Worked on the prestigious Belt Bomb project
* Developed instant death cyanide capsules in orange, strawberry; and mint flavors (Patent# 007,13,666)
Summer Internship:
* Dawood Ibrahim and Haji Mastan Associates, Bombay, June1987-July1990
* Worked as a hitman and was responsible for many supari style killings
* Participated in election rigging in Bihar and made hafta Collections
Honors & Achievements:
* Won 1980 Gabbar Singh Memorial Award (given to child prodigies in crime)
* Member, IPKF (Indian Professional Killers Forum) student chapter
* Performer of the year in 2004 General Elections in Bihar & U.P.
* Strong hold on Govt. & NGOs.
* Specialized in extortion,illegal construction business & fake academic degree supply.
References:
* Dr. Charles Sobhraj, Full Time Prof., Tihar Jail, New Delhi
* Dr. Chandra Swamy, Visiting Faculty Tihar Jail, New Delhi
* Dr. Dawood Ibrahim, Overseas Projects Manager, Dubai
Objective:
To obtain a challenging position as a Crime Implementation Analyst (CIA)
Education:
* B.S. (Crime Technology) Tihar Jail, India, August 1994
* M.S. (Criminal Sciences) Virginia Prison for International Smugglers and the Unlawful Activists(VPISUA), August 1996.
Thesis:
"On escaping from high security prisons like Alcatraz with minimal efforts"
Coursework:
Cop Psychology, Plastic Explosives Technology, Bomb Controls and Timer Device Theory, International Smuggling and Drug Trafficking, Object Oriented Crime Design
Work Experience:
* Research Assistant, LTTE Labs, Jaffna, Aug 1990-Aug 1991
* Worked on the prestigious Belt Bomb project
* Developed instant death cyanide capsules in orange, strawberry; and mint flavors (Patent# 007,13,666)
Summer Internship:
* Dawood Ibrahim and Haji Mastan Associates, Bombay, June1987-July1990
* Worked as a hitman and was responsible for many supari style killings
* Participated in election rigging in Bihar and made hafta Collections
Honors & Achievements:
* Won 1980 Gabbar Singh Memorial Award (given to child prodigies in crime)
* Member, IPKF (Indian Professional Killers Forum) student chapter
* Performer of the year in 2004 General Elections in Bihar & U.P.
* Strong hold on Govt. & NGOs.
* Specialized in extortion,illegal construction business & fake academic degree supply.
References:
* Dr. Charles Sobhraj, Full Time Prof., Tihar Jail, New Delhi
* Dr. Chandra Swamy, Visiting Faculty Tihar Jail, New Delhi
* Dr. Dawood Ibrahim, Overseas Projects Manager, Dubai
Gr8 Quotes by Gr8 Ppls......
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80%
are glad you have them. -Lou Holtz
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
Never explain yourself. Your friends dont need it and your enemies
wont believe it. -Belgicia Howell
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
Forgive your enemies, but never, never forget their names. -John F. Kennedy
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
You must experience and accept the extremes. Because if the contrast is lost, you lose appreciation; and when you lose appreciation, you lose the value of everything. -Philippos
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him
absolutely no good. -Ann Landers
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
Being sad with the right people is better than being happy with the wrong ones. -Philippos
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too. -Will Smith
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
If your problem has a solution then...why worry about it? If your
problem doesnt have solution then...why worry about it? -Chinese Proverb
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you
can't change. Kiss slowly, play hard, forgive quickly, take chances,
give everything and have no regrets.
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
The ultimate measure of man is not where he stands in moments of
comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge
and controversy. -Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
Pain never really goes away; you just elevate and get used to it by growing stronger. -Philippos
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
You have to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you've got, remember what you had, learn from your mistakes, but never regret, people change, things go wrong, but remember life goes on!
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
Sometimes the people who hurt us the most are people who were hurt more than us. -Philippos
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
Our tears are what happens when it rains deep inside our hearts and we cannot hold the rain any longer. -Philippos
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
I like to pretend that everything's alright. Because when everybody else thinks you're fine, sometimes you forget for a while that you're not.
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
"Reputation is what men and women think of us; character is what God and angels know of us." -Thomas Paine
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
The things that made me stronger are the ones that didn't let me sleep at first. -Anonymous
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
are glad you have them. -Lou Holtz
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
Never explain yourself. Your friends dont need it and your enemies
wont believe it. -Belgicia Howell
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
Forgive your enemies, but never, never forget their names. -John F. Kennedy
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
You must experience and accept the extremes. Because if the contrast is lost, you lose appreciation; and when you lose appreciation, you lose the value of everything. -Philippos
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him
absolutely no good. -Ann Landers
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
Being sad with the right people is better than being happy with the wrong ones. -Philippos
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too. -Will Smith
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
If your problem has a solution then...why worry about it? If your
problem doesnt have solution then...why worry about it? -Chinese Proverb
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you
can't change. Kiss slowly, play hard, forgive quickly, take chances,
give everything and have no regrets.
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
The ultimate measure of man is not where he stands in moments of
comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge
and controversy. -Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
Pain never really goes away; you just elevate and get used to it by growing stronger. -Philippos
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
You have to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you've got, remember what you had, learn from your mistakes, but never regret, people change, things go wrong, but remember life goes on!
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
Sometimes the people who hurt us the most are people who were hurt more than us. -Philippos
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
Our tears are what happens when it rains deep inside our hearts and we cannot hold the rain any longer. -Philippos
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
I like to pretend that everything's alright. Because when everybody else thinks you're fine, sometimes you forget for a while that you're not.
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
"Reputation is what men and women think of us; character is what God and angels know of us." -Thomas Paine
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
The things that made me stronger are the ones that didn't let me sleep at first. -Anonymous
--------------**************--------------**************--------------
Jaspal V/s Saddam
Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade
next when his telephone rang.
"Hallo, Mr. Hussein!" a heavily accented voice said, "This is
Jaspal Singh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala,Punjab. I am ringing to inform you
that we are officially declaring the war on you!"
"Well, Jaspal," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news!
How big is your army"
"Right now," said Jaspal, after a moment's calculation, "there is
myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbour Bhagat, and the entire
kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight"
Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Jaspal that I have one million men
in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Arrey O! Main kya.. " said Jaspal. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Jaspal called again.
"Mr. Hussein, it is Jaspal, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war
is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Jaspal" Saddam asked.
"Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor."
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Jaspal, that I have 16,000 tanks
and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army
to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."
"Oh teri ...." said Jaspal. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Jaspal rang again the next day.
"Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves
airborne...... We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of
shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four
school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!"
Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must
tell you, Jaspal, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter
planes. My military complex is surro unded by laser-guided,
surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my
army to TWO MILLION!"
"Tera pala hove...." said Jaspal, "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Jaspal called again the next day.
"Kiddan, Mr. Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart"
"Well," said Jaspal, "we've all had a long chat over a couple of
lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of wars!"
next when his telephone rang.
"Hallo, Mr. Hussein!" a heavily accented voice said, "This is
Jaspal Singh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala,Punjab. I am ringing to inform you
that we are officially declaring the war on you!"
"Well, Jaspal," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news!
How big is your army"
"Right now," said Jaspal, after a moment's calculation, "there is
myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbour Bhagat, and the entire
kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight"
Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Jaspal that I have one million men
in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Arrey O! Main kya.. " said Jaspal. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Jaspal called again.
"Mr. Hussein, it is Jaspal, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war
is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Jaspal" Saddam asked.
"Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor."
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Jaspal, that I have 16,000 tanks
and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army
to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."
"Oh teri ...." said Jaspal. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Jaspal rang again the next day.
"Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves
airborne...... We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of
shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four
school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!"
Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must
tell you, Jaspal, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter
planes. My military complex is surro unded by laser-guided,
surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my
army to TWO MILLION!"
"Tera pala hove...." said Jaspal, "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Jaspal called again the next day.
"Kiddan, Mr. Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart"
"Well," said Jaspal, "we've all had a long chat over a couple of
lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of wars!"
Friday, June 15, 2007
Interesting Facts about Dreams........
You would be amazed to know that usually children watch nightmares. The usual age group is 3 and it continues up to 8.
--------
Blind people also view dreams. Their images are in accordance of the time when they got blind.
--------
Good news for those who snore a lot. You cannot dream while snoring.
----------
If you are giving up smoking then get ready for some long and intense dreams.
----------
Kids up to the age of 3 and 4 never dream about themselves.
------
It is interesting to know that men dream more about their own gender as compare to women. On the other hand, women dream equally about both men and women.
-------
The word dream is derived from dreme. Dreme stands for joy and music.
----------
People often say that we don't dreams. But, the fact is that everyone dreams.
------
You would be astonished to know that major part of your life is spent in sleeping, i.e. approximately one-third of life.
----------
Dreams are also essential for a healthy life. If you don't have adequate dream activity then it signifies lack of protein. It also signifies problem in one's personality.
----------
Approximately half content of dream is forgotten, if you are recalling after five minutes of its completion.
-------------
Approximately ninety percent of dream is forgotten, if you are recalling after ten minutes of its completion.
---------
In one night, approximately 4 to 7 dreams are being viewed.
-----------
--------
Blind people also view dreams. Their images are in accordance of the time when they got blind.
--------
Good news for those who snore a lot. You cannot dream while snoring.
----------
If you are giving up smoking then get ready for some long and intense dreams.
----------
Kids up to the age of 3 and 4 never dream about themselves.
------
It is interesting to know that men dream more about their own gender as compare to women. On the other hand, women dream equally about both men and women.
-------
The word dream is derived from dreme. Dreme stands for joy and music.
----------
People often say that we don't dreams. But, the fact is that everyone dreams.
------
You would be astonished to know that major part of your life is spent in sleeping, i.e. approximately one-third of life.
----------
Dreams are also essential for a healthy life. If you don't have adequate dream activity then it signifies lack of protein. It also signifies problem in one's personality.
----------
Approximately half content of dream is forgotten, if you are recalling after five minutes of its completion.
-------------
Approximately ninety percent of dream is forgotten, if you are recalling after ten minutes of its completion.
---------
In one night, approximately 4 to 7 dreams are being viewed.
-----------
10 Most Stupid Questions............
1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..
2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try again.
3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?
4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter...
Stupid Question:- Is the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??
Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.
5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years
Stupid Question:- Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big !!
Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.
6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating ,insensitive lout...it's just the money.
7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted moron !!
8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding......
9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.
10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman in your office asks...
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke ?
Answer:- Gosh, it's a miracle ............it was a piece of chalk and now
it's in flames!!!
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..
2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try again.
3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?
4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter...
Stupid Question:- Is the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??
Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.
5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years
Stupid Question:- Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big !!
Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.
6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating ,insensitive lout...it's just the money.
7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted moron !!
8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding......
9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.
10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman in your office asks...
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke ?
Answer:- Gosh, it's a miracle ............it was a piece of chalk and now
it's in flames!!!
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Only in America.......
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front
of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way
to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy
people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large
fries, and a diet Coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open
and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars
in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls
and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we
didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and
buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word "politics" to describe
the process so well: "poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics"
meaning "bloodsucking creatures."
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with
Braille lettering.
ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front
of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way
to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy
people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large
fries, and a diet Coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open
and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars
in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls
and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we
didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and
buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word "politics" to describe
the process so well: "poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics"
meaning "bloodsucking creatures."
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with
Braille lettering.
Strange & Basicly Useless facts.......
80 percent of the world's population regularly eats insects.
The average bank robbery yields $4,400.
The longest flight on record for a flying squirrel is 2.5 miles.
According to a University of Michigan study, a dog's memory span is
5 minutes. A cat's is 16 hours.
Albert Einstein never learned to drive.
Sea cucumbers startle their enemies by shooting their digestive
organs out their rear ends.
Uranus is green.
Dark matter is lumpy.
One in 12 Britons has a job cleaning something.
Los Angeles moves toward San Francisco at the rate of 3.5
centimeters a year.
Engelbert Humperdinck's real name is Arnold Dorsey.
There is a lock-picking championship held every year in the
Netherlands.
60 percent of your genes are the same as a chicken's.
70 percent of all 9-1-1 calls made by cell phones are dialed by
mistake.
The average person goes to the bathroom 2,500 times a year.
As a result of California's three-strike policy, a man named Santos
Reyes is doing life for cheating on a driver's license exam.
Sex expert Dr. Ruth Westheimer was trained to be a sniper in the
Israeli army.
Almost half of America's food goes to waste.
Egypt owes the U.S. $1.7 million in unpaid parking tickets.
Elephants fart more than any other animal.
The average bank robbery yields $4,400.
The longest flight on record for a flying squirrel is 2.5 miles.
According to a University of Michigan study, a dog's memory span is
5 minutes. A cat's is 16 hours.
Albert Einstein never learned to drive.
Sea cucumbers startle their enemies by shooting their digestive
organs out their rear ends.
Uranus is green.
Dark matter is lumpy.
One in 12 Britons has a job cleaning something.
Los Angeles moves toward San Francisco at the rate of 3.5
centimeters a year.
Engelbert Humperdinck's real name is Arnold Dorsey.
There is a lock-picking championship held every year in the
Netherlands.
60 percent of your genes are the same as a chicken's.
70 percent of all 9-1-1 calls made by cell phones are dialed by
mistake.
The average person goes to the bathroom 2,500 times a year.
As a result of California's three-strike policy, a man named Santos
Reyes is doing life for cheating on a driver's license exam.
Sex expert Dr. Ruth Westheimer was trained to be a sniper in the
Israeli army.
Almost half of America's food goes to waste.
Egypt owes the U.S. $1.7 million in unpaid parking tickets.
Elephants fart more than any other animal.
You know you're living in 2050 when...
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You go home after a long day at works you still answer the phone in a business manner.
7. You make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.
8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.
11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.
13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen.
14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
15. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)
17. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You go home after a long day at works you still answer the phone in a business manner.
7. You make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.
8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.
11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.
13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen.
14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
15. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)
17. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.
Words Use by Women & Meanings.........
Fine:
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
------------------------------
Five Minutes:
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
------------------------------
Nothing:
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".
------------------------------
Go Ahead:
This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!
------------------------------
Loud Sigh:
Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
------------------------------
That's Okay:
This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
------------------------------
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
------------------------------
Five Minutes:
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
------------------------------
Nothing:
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".
------------------------------
Go Ahead:
This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!
------------------------------
Loud Sigh:
Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
------------------------------
That's Okay:
This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
------------------------------
20 Gr8 Thoughts.....
===================================================
Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take
them while driving.
====================================================
Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes
you are a referee.
=====================================================
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is
always right and the other is the husband!
=====================================================
They said we should
all pay our tax with a smile. I
tried - but they wanted cash.
==================================================
A child's greatest period of growth is the month after
you've purchased new school
uniforms.
==================================================
Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
=================================================
Don't marry the person you want to live with,
marry the one you cannot live without...
but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
===================================================
You can't buy love . . . but you pay heavily for it.
===================================================
True friends stab you in the front.
====================================================
Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for
hurting me.
=================================================
Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not
vote.
====================================================
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting
before you get tired
=================================================
My wife and I always compromise. I
admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
=================================================
Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to
others.
=================================================
Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
=================================================
It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his
job, he still ends up with the same boss.
=================================================
They call our language the mother tongue because the
father seldom gets to speak.
=================================================
Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents
have done it for you.
=================================================
Wise men talk because they have something to say;
fools talk because they have to say something
=================================================
Real friends are the ones who survive transitions
between address books
Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take
them while driving.
====================================================
Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes
you are a referee.
=====================================================
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is
always right and the other is the husband!
=====================================================
They said we should
all pay our tax with a smile. I
tried - but they wanted cash.
==================================================
A child's greatest period of growth is the month after
you've purchased new school
uniforms.
==================================================
Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
=================================================
Don't marry the person you want to live with,
marry the one you cannot live without...
but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
===================================================
You can't buy love . . . but you pay heavily for it.
===================================================
True friends stab you in the front.
====================================================
Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for
hurting me.
=================================================
Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not
vote.
====================================================
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting
before you get tired
=================================================
My wife and I always compromise. I
admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
=================================================
Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to
others.
=================================================
Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
=================================================
It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his
job, he still ends up with the same boss.
=================================================
They call our language the mother tongue because the
father seldom gets to speak.
=================================================
Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents
have done it for you.
=================================================
Wise men talk because they have something to say;
fools talk because they have to say something
=================================================
Real friends are the ones who survive transitions
between address books
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
ME and MY BOSS ....
When I Take a long time to finish, I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough
When I don't do it, I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it, he is busy,
When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same, he takes the initiative,
When I please my boss, I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss, he is cooperating,
When I make a mistake, I' am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When I am out of the office, I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office, he's on business.
When I am on a day off sick, I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When I apply for leave, I must be going for an interview
When my boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.
When I do good, my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong, he never forgets.
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough
When I don't do it, I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it, he is busy,
When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same, he takes the initiative,
When I please my boss, I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss, he is cooperating,
When I make a mistake, I' am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When I am out of the office, I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office, he's on business.
When I am on a day off sick, I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When I apply for leave, I must be going for an interview
When my boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.
When I do good, my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong, he never forgets.
Once Upon A Time.....
Once upon a time leadership mattered, now dealership rules the world.
Once upon a time quality was craftsman's pride, now it is a departmental mess.
Once upon a time mouse was an untouchable mammal, now it is handheld pest.
Once upon a time wisdom was cultivated by wise people, now it is flashed on T-shirts.
Once upon a time teacher tought and students learnt, now teacher trade and students consume.
Once upon a time population was a problem, now it is a flourishing mass market.
Once upon a time competition brought out the best, now it brings out the worst in people.
Once upon a time there was a golden rule, now if you have gold, you rule.
Once upon a time truth telling was good for your soul, now it is bad for promotion.
Once upon a time success meant living by ideals, now it is about using above all principles.
Once upon a time beauty was in the eye of the beholder, now it is booming business.
Once upon a time quality was craftsman's pride, now it is a departmental mess.
Once upon a time mouse was an untouchable mammal, now it is handheld pest.
Once upon a time wisdom was cultivated by wise people, now it is flashed on T-shirts.
Once upon a time teacher tought and students learnt, now teacher trade and students consume.
Once upon a time population was a problem, now it is a flourishing mass market.
Once upon a time competition brought out the best, now it brings out the worst in people.
Once upon a time there was a golden rule, now if you have gold, you rule.
Once upon a time truth telling was good for your soul, now it is bad for promotion.
Once upon a time success meant living by ideals, now it is about using above all principles.
Once upon a time beauty was in the eye of the beholder, now it is booming business.
jOkEs!!!!
Life at the Florida Mobile Home Park
A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in Trailer Estates, a Florida mobile home park. A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman asks, "Are you a stranger here?">
He replies, "I lived here years ago."
"So, where were you all these years?"
"In prison," he says.
"Why did they put you in prison?"
He looked at her, and very quietly said, "I killed my wife."
"Oh!" said the woman. "So you're single..."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
Another two elderly people living in Trailer Estates, he was a
Widower and she a widow, had known each other for a number of years. One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. The two were at the same table, across from one another as the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of 'careful consideration' , she answered "Yes.
Yes, I will."
The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to
Their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he might, he just
Could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to
The telephone and called her.
First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"
He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I
Meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "I am so glad that you
called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
A man was telling his neighbour in Trailer Estates, "I just bought a
New hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the
art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbour "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor at The Trailer Estates
Medical Clinic to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw
Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're
Really doing great, aren't you?"
"Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.",
Morris replied.
To which doctor said, "I didn't say that, Morris. I said, 'You've got a
heart murmur. Be careful!!'
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
A little old man shuffled slowly into the "Orange Dipper", an ice
Cream parlour in Trailer Estates, and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up
onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "arthritis
A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in Trailer Estates, a Florida mobile home park. A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman asks, "Are you a stranger here?">
He replies, "I lived here years ago."
"So, where were you all these years?"
"In prison," he says.
"Why did they put you in prison?"
He looked at her, and very quietly said, "I killed my wife."
"Oh!" said the woman. "So you're single..."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
Another two elderly people living in Trailer Estates, he was a
Widower and she a widow, had known each other for a number of years. One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. The two were at the same table, across from one another as the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of 'careful consideration' , she answered "Yes.
Yes, I will."
The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to
Their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he might, he just
Could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to
The telephone and called her.
First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"
He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I
Meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "I am so glad that you
called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
A man was telling his neighbour in Trailer Estates, "I just bought a
New hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the
art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbour "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor at The Trailer Estates
Medical Clinic to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw
Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're
Really doing great, aren't you?"
"Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.",
Morris replied.
To which doctor said, "I didn't say that, Morris. I said, 'You've got a
heart murmur. Be careful!!'
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
A little old man shuffled slowly into the "Orange Dipper", an ice
Cream parlour in Trailer Estates, and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up
onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "arthritis
FUNNY DEFINITIONS...
1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
2. Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
3. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
4. Divorce: Future tense of marriage
5. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
6. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
7. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
8. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power...
9. Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.
10. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
11. Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
12. Classic: books which people praise, but do not read.
13. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
14. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
15. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
16. Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
18. Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
20. Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
21. Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
22. Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
23. Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
24. Pessimist: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY .
25. Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
26. Father: A banker provided by nature.
27. Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
28. Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
29. Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after?
30. Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
31. Computer Engineer: One who gets paid for reading such mails...
2. Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
3. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
4. Divorce: Future tense of marriage
5. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
6. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
7. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
8. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power...
9. Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.
10. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
11. Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
12. Classic: books which people praise, but do not read.
13. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
14. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
15. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
16. Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
18. Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
20. Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
21. Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
22. Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
23. Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
24. Pessimist: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY .
25. Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
26. Father: A banker provided by nature.
27. Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
28. Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
29. Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after?
30. Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
31. Computer Engineer: One who gets paid for reading such mails...
Saturday, June 9, 2007
Family Problems.........
Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation.
One of them kept complaining of family problems. Finally the other man
said: "You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation. A few
years ago I met a young widow with a grown up daughter. We got married
and I got myself a step-daughter. Later, my father married my
step-daughter. That made my step daughter my step-mother. And my father
became my step-son. Also my wife became mother-in-law of her
father-in-law. Much later the daughter of my wife, my step-mother, had a
son. This boy was my half brother because he was my father's son. But he
was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's
grand-son. That made me the grandfather of my half brother. This was
nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half sister of my son, my
step-mother, is also his grandmother. This makes my father the
brother-in-law of my child, whose step-sister is my father's wife. I am my
step-mother' s brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is
my father's nephew and I am my OWN GRAND FATHER!!!!!! !!!! And you think
you have FAMILY PROBLEMS
One of them kept complaining of family problems. Finally the other man
said: "You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation. A few
years ago I met a young widow with a grown up daughter. We got married
and I got myself a step-daughter. Later, my father married my
step-daughter. That made my step daughter my step-mother. And my father
became my step-son. Also my wife became mother-in-law of her
father-in-law. Much later the daughter of my wife, my step-mother, had a
son. This boy was my half brother because he was my father's son. But he
was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's
grand-son. That made me the grandfather of my half brother. This was
nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half sister of my son, my
step-mother, is also his grandmother. This makes my father the
brother-in-law of my child, whose step-sister is my father's wife. I am my
step-mother' s brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is
my father's nephew and I am my OWN GRAND FATHER!!!!!! !!!! And you think
you have FAMILY PROBLEMS
Enjoy the 2008 version of MS OS in Hindi………..
Bill Gates will be in India next year. He will be announcing that Microsoft plans to release a Windows version in Hindi. Here are some ofthe Windows related terms that have been approved by Bill Gates to be used in the Hindi version of...
Atyant Mulayam Khidkiyan 2008
Atyant Mulayam = Microsoft
Khidki = Window
Phaail = File
Bachao = Save
Aise Bachao = Save as
Subko Bachao = Save All
Mujhe Bachao = Help
Madad Pe Madad = Help On Help
Dhoondo = Find
Firse Dhoondo = Find Again
Hilao = Move
Chaara = Options
Bura sandesh yaa phail naam = Bad command or file name
Garbh girao, Firse koshish karo, Naakaamyab = Abort, retry,fail
chhavo = Tile
Aadmi Bhejo = Send Mail
Daak = Mail
Daakiya = Mailer
Bhaago = Run
Chhaapo = Print
Dekh Ke Chhaapo = Print Preview
Chipkao = Paste
Khaas Chipkao = Paste Special
Mitao = Delete
Kagaz Uper = Page Up
Kagaz Neeche = Page Down
Anth = End
Saaf karo = Clear
Sab Kuch Saaf Karo = Clear All
Makan = Home
Topi Ka Tala = CapsLock
Hathiyaar = Tools
Khuli Chaadar = Spreadsheet
Futaas Ki Goli Kha = Exit
Ped = Tree
Chooha = Mouse
Chooha Chalak = Mouse Driver (Software)
Tik-Tik Karo = Click
Idhar-se-Udhar, Udhar-se- Idhar Wala Danda = Scrollbar
Pardha = Screen
Pardha Bachanewala = Screen Saver
Krimi = Virus
Tika = Anti Virus
Karo = Do
Galthi = Error
Ghusao = Insert
Pahle Ghusao = Insert Before
Beech Mein ghusao = Insert Between
Baadhme Ghusao = Insert After
Chabi Phalak = Key board
Choohha Ka Bisthar = Mouse Pad
Avaaz Phodney Wali Cheez = Sound Blaster
Antarjatiya Jaal = InterNet
Baath Cheeth Dabba = Dialog Box
Chale? = Exit?.............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SORRY for THEM who DO NOT UNDERSTAND HINDI....!!
Atyant Mulayam Khidkiyan 2008
Atyant Mulayam = Microsoft
Khidki = Window
Phaail = File
Bachao = Save
Aise Bachao = Save as
Subko Bachao = Save All
Mujhe Bachao = Help
Madad Pe Madad = Help On Help
Dhoondo = Find
Firse Dhoondo = Find Again
Hilao = Move
Chaara = Options
Bura sandesh yaa phail naam = Bad command or file name
Garbh girao, Firse koshish karo, Naakaamyab = Abort, retry,fail
chhavo = Tile
Aadmi Bhejo = Send Mail
Daak = Mail
Daakiya = Mailer
Bhaago = Run
Chhaapo = Print
Dekh Ke Chhaapo = Print Preview
Chipkao = Paste
Khaas Chipkao = Paste Special
Mitao = Delete
Kagaz Uper = Page Up
Kagaz Neeche = Page Down
Anth = End
Saaf karo = Clear
Sab Kuch Saaf Karo = Clear All
Makan = Home
Topi Ka Tala = CapsLock
Hathiyaar = Tools
Khuli Chaadar = Spreadsheet
Futaas Ki Goli Kha = Exit
Ped = Tree
Chooha = Mouse
Chooha Chalak = Mouse Driver (Software)
Tik-Tik Karo = Click
Idhar-se-Udhar, Udhar-se- Idhar Wala Danda = Scrollbar
Pardha = Screen
Pardha Bachanewala = Screen Saver
Krimi = Virus
Tika = Anti Virus
Karo = Do
Galthi = Error
Ghusao = Insert
Pahle Ghusao = Insert Before
Beech Mein ghusao = Insert Between
Baadhme Ghusao = Insert After
Chabi Phalak = Key board
Choohha Ka Bisthar = Mouse Pad
Avaaz Phodney Wali Cheez = Sound Blaster
Antarjatiya Jaal = InterNet
Baath Cheeth Dabba = Dialog Box
Chale? = Exit?.............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SORRY for THEM who DO NOT UNDERSTAND HINDI....!!
Few Definations......Enjoy
School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the
Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the
Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Filmi Love Letter......
Ekdum Filmy Love Letter
.
.
.
.
When I am: Kareeb
There is only: Khamoshi
I want to speak: Dil Se
That's my kind of: Ishq
I want this to be: Gupt
As I always have: Darr
That I will loose you: Sajani
And that would be great: Sadma
I am your: Mr.Aashique
But sometimes bit: Deewana
Tell me: Hum Aapke Hain Kaun
As I feel : Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
In this : Duniya Dilwalon Ki
I told you: Maine Pyar Kiya
May be : Dil To Pagal Hai
Because: Jab Pyar Kisise Hota Hai
The whole world appears as: Dushman
But anyway: Pyar To Hona Hi Tha
.
.
.
.
When I am: Kareeb
There is only: Khamoshi
I want to speak: Dil Se
That's my kind of: Ishq
I want this to be: Gupt
As I always have: Darr
That I will loose you: Sajani
And that would be great: Sadma
I am your: Mr.Aashique
But sometimes bit: Deewana
Tell me: Hum Aapke Hain Kaun
As I feel : Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
In this : Duniya Dilwalon Ki
I told you: Maine Pyar Kiya
May be : Dil To Pagal Hai
Because: Jab Pyar Kisise Hota Hai
The whole world appears as: Dushman
But anyway: Pyar To Hona Hi Tha
SMART SENTENCES.......
1. God is real, unless declared integer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2. Before borrowing money from a friend, decide whether you need more.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3. Death is hereditary.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
4. There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5. An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
6. Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
7. Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
8. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
9. Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
10. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
11. Well done is better than well said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
12. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
13. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
14. If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
15. Where there's a will there are five hundred relatives.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
16. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2. Before borrowing money from a friend, decide whether you need more.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3. Death is hereditary.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
4. There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5. An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
6. Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
7. Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
8. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
9. Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
10. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
11. Well done is better than well said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
12. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
13. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
14. If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
15. Where there's a will there are five hundred relatives.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
16. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top 10 Rejection Lines...........
Top 10 rejection lines given by Gal :
(and what they actually mean...)
10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")
9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
(I don't want to do my dad.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
(You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes
on.)
7. My life is too complicated right now.
(I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear
phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)
6. I've got a boyfriend.
(I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben
and Jerry's.)
5. I don't date men where I work.
(I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system',much
less the same building.)
4. It's not you, it's me.
(It's you.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career.
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job isbetter than
dating you.)
2. I'm celibate.
(I've sworn off only the men like you.)
1. Let's be friends.
(I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail
about all the other men I meet and have sex
with. It's the male perspective thing.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top 10 rejection lines given by Men :
(and what they actually mean...)
10. I think of you as a sister.
(You're ugly.)
9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
(You're ugly.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
(You're ugly.)
7. My life is too complicated right now.
(You're ugly.)
6. I've got a girlfriend.
(You're ugly.)
5. I don't date women where I work.
(You're ugly.)
4. It's not you, it's me.
(You're ugly.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career.
(You're ugly.)
2. I'm celibate.
(You're ugly.)
1. Let's be friends.
(You're sinfully ugly.)
(and what they actually mean...)
10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")
9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
(I don't want to do my dad.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
(You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes
on.)
7. My life is too complicated right now.
(I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear
phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)
6. I've got a boyfriend.
(I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben
and Jerry's.)
5. I don't date men where I work.
(I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system',much
less the same building.)
4. It's not you, it's me.
(It's you.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career.
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job isbetter than
dating you.)
2. I'm celibate.
(I've sworn off only the men like you.)
1. Let's be friends.
(I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail
about all the other men I meet and have sex
with. It's the male perspective thing.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top 10 rejection lines given by Men :
(and what they actually mean...)
10. I think of you as a sister.
(You're ugly.)
9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
(You're ugly.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
(You're ugly.)
7. My life is too complicated right now.
(You're ugly.)
6. I've got a girlfriend.
(You're ugly.)
5. I don't date women where I work.
(You're ugly.)
4. It's not you, it's me.
(You're ugly.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career.
(You're ugly.)
2. I'm celibate.
(You're ugly.)
1. Let's be friends.
(You're sinfully ugly.)
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